Whats up, Bollywood?

I'm so definitely not the kinda person who has any right whatsoever to talk 'bout Bollywood. I find it hard enough to tell one from song from the other (one hindi song from some english song that is). I rarely see Hindi movies but a lot of that has a lot to do with whatever the hell is up with Bollywood. I mean, its not that long ago when i used to watch Hindi movies and rubbish the English ones, but now, its the other way around, totally, permanently.

Let me start with how Bollywood was once a surreal place. All originals (well, most of 'em), brilliant directors, unreal music and of-course the lyrics were a rose petal touch to th ears. Over the years, the rose has dried out and the thorns keep rubbing your body, pricking one spot at a time. I mean, who can forget Nargis from her Mother India role? How about Sholay? That movie is still a crowd-puller. I, many others as well, would still watch it, atleast for sometime, if not the entire length.

Now, thats enough said and done. Fast forward about 3 odd decades from the Jay aur Viru ki jodi and you are devastated to see the plight of Bollywood. You've got Rakhi Sawant claiming to be an actress (I'm not a Christain, but still, Father please forgive her, for she know not what she (modified) claims) and you see Om Puri showing off his belly button in a saree in the same movie, you definitely know you've landed in hell.

Most of these Hindi movies are a total rip-off of Hollywood flicks. Let me start by giving some examples, say for instance, there was this one movie Awaraa Pagal Deewana starring Akshay Kumar, Suniel Shitty Shetty and others "superstars". Now, there in this film from the very outset the director wants his audience to know that he's not put a lot of money(or thought for that matter) into his action sequences. His first fight scene (forgive me if its not that first one) is like watching Matrix part 1, dubbed in Hindi, with bad looking people all over the place. Then, going forward, the movie slowly unveils how, Akshay Kumar is the bad don, the whole of India is looking for, taking refuge in America and how, he ends up meeting a dentist, whose assistant is totally nuts 'bout dons, and they don't come much better than Akki himself. Now, this reminds me of the Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry starer Hollywood flick, The Whole Nine Yards. Same story, there even a rose tattoo planted on Akki's neck, which has a close resemblance to that of Willis'. Now, whats up with this?

Then, coming suddenly to the latest movie starring Sushmita Sen, and Shiny Ahuja Zindagi Rocks. Not really!! The movie was crap, bout a rock star, and thats all you wanna know 'bout it. Trust me! There was a song in it, which is a total rip-off of Shakira's video. Now, how pathetic is this? Then we have the latest craze doing rounds, the Shahrukh Khan starer Chak De India. Now, its got great reviews, but somewhere in between those reviews the critics just let go of the part where they should tell the readers that this movie is "based" on the Kurt Russel one, Miracle. Now, theres a scene in both the movies where the coach makes his players run their butts off till they all claim to being playing for their countries. No marks for guessing which movie was out first. No. Not even a consolation prize.

Ok, let me stop the embarrassment, but this is really pathetic.

(My inner voice : One more, one more) (Me : Alright, just one more)
Now, this one's the best. Whats the height of copying someone else's movie, (let alone if thats David Fincher) and make your own Fight Club. How cool is that?

(Interrupted) "Hey thats not right!!"

(Me) "Who the hell are you?!!"

(Interrupter) "I'm Bollywood.The Entire Bollywood fraternity. The same one who found the Sanju Baba sentence preposterous, but find nothing wrong in someone blatantly lifting someone else's work, that work that we've wanted to excel in all our life."

(Me) "So, WTF, you doing here anyways?"

(The Entire B'wood) "That movie had nothing common, except the name my friend. Besides, don't you think you've thrown enough mud on Bollywood today? I mean, c'mon, take a break, get at us some other day."

(Me) "But that sucks. I mean, dude..(i by default call everyone a dude, ive noticed it makes people feel nice)..c'mon...ive not even begun talking 'bout the "inspired" songs. Ive not even mentioned Anu Malik. Or, how i almost heard Shaggy in the Partner track (you're my love). Hey, reminds, what kinda bloody theft of ideas is Partner?!!!!"

(The Entire Bollywood) "Hey man, uve gotta chill. You should know that we've reached a certain point in our lives where most of us have started to admire works of art and see how far we can assimilate that into our Bollywood. You know, this way, even those who dont watch Hollywood can have access to the best in Cinema, be it from the West or East. Bollywood caters to everyone, anyhow!!"

(Me) "Okie man, will surely think of the latest admission and claims you lay. Gotta go now, will be back. You gonna be there too?"

(The Entire Bollywood) "Yeah sure, just call me, ill be there"

Boys dont "AWWWW..."

I believe it has been a common presumption, unless you were born with the wrong set of genitals, that boys dont awww. There are so many of these issues, situations perhaps is more apt, where you would find the girls and boys reacting in a very different manner, so different that it yells out the difference in perception. Again, another thing that ive been hearing for a long longtime is that, men dont cry. I cant seem to figure this out, but still, its been the notion, misguided, ill-thought or otherwise.

This whole thought came to my mind after a fellow-orkutter asked me very recently, what my display pic was all about? Well, i really couldnt explain to him exactly what the case for it was, all i said was, " its jst a very simple innocent pic...love it cos its very "awww".." And then i figure out that boys arent meant to awwww...but i just did. A little feminine side of me, or is it me just being plain thoughtless bout something that im saying on the internet? I drop the latter as an option to my hidden multi-optional answer to this question (im very particular bout what i say), then there are many left, although the "feminine side" is the only other one ive mentioned.

Now reverting to the main issue over here, girls will find a baby cute, boys (mostly referred to as emotional shit-heads by the opposite sex) just dont know how to react. If a baby says something, when it actually cant, girls go nuts--ive seen this--boys might end up saying "ahh!what a dork!" This stuff happens and is for real. Its out there, inside each one of us, each one of us boys. Again, here some guys girls find "show kuute". Boys find them nerds. Thats the basic difference that stems from different set of genitals. Finally an emotional connection is established with whats in your pants today(and forever , at your sole discretion of-course!)

How bout the colours for a change? There are male colours and then, there are female colours. Female colours are mostly and always revolving around PINK. Boys should choose colours that are more of a darkish sorts. Say, BLACK. I hate that colour. I mean, surely its got its importance in the derivation of some other colours, but does that really matter? I mean, why should the girls have all the fun? Girls can have pink, green, turquoise (i used to call it a bull-shit colour while i was still recovering from the Tyler Durden hangover) and then all that the boys are left with is Navy blue, maroon, black, dark green etc etc(what are indeed bull-shit colours!!). I cant seem to understand, why widen the scope of sexual discrimination? Lets keep that to the boardrooms, shall we?

How bout our accessories? I mean, girls can decorate (and redecorate) themselves as if they're a work of art and they'd still be heterosexuals. If the boys did that, they'd be metrosexuals!! How did we (and i speak, apparently, for most of us who actually have a thing in our pants) all of a sudden, just by emulating the women and by being a little more cleaned up, than that has been our tradition lose our basic characteristic? Maybe we should thank Mark Simpson for this.

Well, this is actually a much wider topic, than i previously thought, i shall continue this at an appropriate time. Till then, lets sustain traditions and lead ourselves to believe that boys dont awwww...!! Awww (and this ones for the girls)......

I dont have a thing to blog!!

Well, its been a longtime since i last blogged. And yet, after all these days of absenteeism i have not found anything yet!! Kinda sucks, but when you try and compare this with my daily chronicles i'm sure, the loss of thought aint all that bad. But, how 'bout you? Where have you been? I've been busy, actually, well, when life gets occupied with so many things, i guess we feel we are busy, i feel the same; for now.

I have been thinking, and thinking hard and good that too, but i just cant seem to agree. I mean, my thoughts in the morning and then in the evening seem to disagree on every bit. Every small tiny bit, that needs an electronic microscope to be seen, each one of those thoughts seem to be in complete isolation with its immediate neighbour. Nothing i think seems to be steady for more than , well, hardly at all. I've wanted to blog, and blog so badly as well, but just havent been able to think of anything. Anything at all. I mean, i aint a writer, but surely i can write non-sense, ask my friends to read the pathetic piece of immaterial english abuse and revert to being my usual self. But, thats not been happening these days. I think of myself as wanting to write a masterpiece...like a you know, a MASTERPIECE. But that seems to be more of a hope, a distant cousin of the most ridiculous of hopes that too!

Well, the day begins at 4 and ends at 12. So train-goers watch me sleep all the while. They see me sleep in the morning and then, they see me sleep in the evening. I'm getting used to the first-class green cushioned (yeah right!!) seats. They are not comfortable, but they do the job. Those 50 mins provide a much needed relief. But, coming back to the crisis here, i dont have a thing to blog. I should have a few now, now that the EPL has begun and maybe i'll have a word or two to say 'bout Mr. Jose and his antics, Mr. Arsene "I can do without Henry" Wenger, surely, Rafael "Liverpool cant win the EPL" Benitez. And then, how can i forget, Sir Alex Ferguson. Ah! I dont know why, but i just cant seem to not be impressed with that man.

Anyways, i must cut it short here. Maybe next time out i'll be more elaborate and definitely with something to read 'bout. Well, i must apologise for some nonsense that you might have had to bear with in this post, well you havent lost much, i mean, click here if you think you have. Do write in with your valuable comments, there are processed and looked after.