Whats up, Bollywood?

I'm so definitely not the kinda person who has any right whatsoever to talk 'bout Bollywood. I find it hard enough to tell one from song from the other (one hindi song from some english song that is). I rarely see Hindi movies but a lot of that has a lot to do with whatever the hell is up with Bollywood. I mean, its not that long ago when i used to watch Hindi movies and rubbish the English ones, but now, its the other way around, totally, permanently.

Let me start with how Bollywood was once a surreal place. All originals (well, most of 'em), brilliant directors, unreal music and of-course the lyrics were a rose petal touch to th ears. Over the years, the rose has dried out and the thorns keep rubbing your body, pricking one spot at a time. I mean, who can forget Nargis from her Mother India role? How about Sholay? That movie is still a crowd-puller. I, many others as well, would still watch it, atleast for sometime, if not the entire length.

Now, thats enough said and done. Fast forward about 3 odd decades from the Jay aur Viru ki jodi and you are devastated to see the plight of Bollywood. You've got Rakhi Sawant claiming to be an actress (I'm not a Christain, but still, Father please forgive her, for she know not what she (modified) claims) and you see Om Puri showing off his belly button in a saree in the same movie, you definitely know you've landed in hell.

Most of these Hindi movies are a total rip-off of Hollywood flicks. Let me start by giving some examples, say for instance, there was this one movie Awaraa Pagal Deewana starring Akshay Kumar, Suniel Shitty Shetty and others "superstars". Now, there in this film from the very outset the director wants his audience to know that he's not put a lot of money(or thought for that matter) into his action sequences. His first fight scene (forgive me if its not that first one) is like watching Matrix part 1, dubbed in Hindi, with bad looking people all over the place. Then, going forward, the movie slowly unveils how, Akshay Kumar is the bad don, the whole of India is looking for, taking refuge in America and how, he ends up meeting a dentist, whose assistant is totally nuts 'bout dons, and they don't come much better than Akki himself. Now, this reminds me of the Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry starer Hollywood flick, The Whole Nine Yards. Same story, there even a rose tattoo planted on Akki's neck, which has a close resemblance to that of Willis'. Now, whats up with this?

Then, coming suddenly to the latest movie starring Sushmita Sen, and Shiny Ahuja Zindagi Rocks. Not really!! The movie was crap, bout a rock star, and thats all you wanna know 'bout it. Trust me! There was a song in it, which is a total rip-off of Shakira's video. Now, how pathetic is this? Then we have the latest craze doing rounds, the Shahrukh Khan starer Chak De India. Now, its got great reviews, but somewhere in between those reviews the critics just let go of the part where they should tell the readers that this movie is "based" on the Kurt Russel one, Miracle. Now, theres a scene in both the movies where the coach makes his players run their butts off till they all claim to being playing for their countries. No marks for guessing which movie was out first. No. Not even a consolation prize.

Ok, let me stop the embarrassment, but this is really pathetic.

(My inner voice : One more, one more) (Me : Alright, just one more)
Now, this one's the best. Whats the height of copying someone else's movie, (let alone if thats David Fincher) and make your own Fight Club. How cool is that?

(Interrupted) "Hey thats not right!!"

(Me) "Who the hell are you?!!"

(Interrupter) "I'm Bollywood.The Entire Bollywood fraternity. The same one who found the Sanju Baba sentence preposterous, but find nothing wrong in someone blatantly lifting someone else's work, that work that we've wanted to excel in all our life."

(Me) "So, WTF, you doing here anyways?"

(The Entire B'wood) "That movie had nothing common, except the name my friend. Besides, don't you think you've thrown enough mud on Bollywood today? I mean, c'mon, take a break, get at us some other day."

(Me) "But that sucks. I mean, dude..(i by default call everyone a dude, ive noticed it makes people feel nice)..c'mon...ive not even begun talking 'bout the "inspired" songs. Ive not even mentioned Anu Malik. Or, how i almost heard Shaggy in the Partner track (you're my love). Hey, reminds, what kinda bloody theft of ideas is Partner?!!!!"

(The Entire Bollywood) "Hey man, uve gotta chill. You should know that we've reached a certain point in our lives where most of us have started to admire works of art and see how far we can assimilate that into our Bollywood. You know, this way, even those who dont watch Hollywood can have access to the best in Cinema, be it from the West or East. Bollywood caters to everyone, anyhow!!"

(Me) "Okie man, will surely think of the latest admission and claims you lay. Gotta go now, will be back. You gonna be there too?"

(The Entire Bollywood) "Yeah sure, just call me, ill be there"