You know, for a long time i think now, for nearly 2 yrs that ive had internet (without any disruptions) at my place i never realised how far into "it" i really was. It was only after that the net got unexpectedly disconnected (and for 3 weeks that too) when i realised the condition, so to speak.
It made me feel restless, initially. I don't really know why or how the restlessness subsided. Guess it was because i always knew that it would get connected one day, uncertain as to when though. It was a matter of when and not if. Finally it has been "resurrected". I feel alive again, i feel connected, i feel like now, somehow, all of a sudden, im there, out there with the rest of you. Until a few hours back, i was not.
Internet had become a part of ennui. Everyday, i'd wake up, drink tea and log in! Every night, i'd come home tired, but it was never a problem to log in, and stay that way till i lost sense of what i was doing, till i would sit there stare at the monitor and wonder where the f**k the others had gone. Then, i would log out, only to log in less than quarter a day later. I became addicted to it, and i never knew that. All the while for the last two years ive been getting addicted to it, more today than yesterday, more tomorrow than today.
It is when you stop realising what you do, and you stop, all of a sudden one day, take a look around and realise that you dont understand what has become of you! All this while when my internet was like a passport to the rest of the world, while getting to meet new people, i guess i failed to see that those around me, i was drifting away from them. Parents would see, when i entered the house (at 'bout 9 in the night) and then when i left ('bout 10 am). That was as much. My bedroom was my "room". This had become my world, to think that the internet had nothing to do with it, is absolutely incorrect. It was the net that transformed my bedroom into my world. I was proud of it.
Now, without the internet, life became boring. As much as i wanted to get it sorted out (the net) i could not as i had little time left in the day..all other measures were tried, tested and failed. So i get back to cursing, praying that it got sorted out somehow. It now became clearer to me, that all this while, all the net sessions, all the late night staying up, all the surfing, all the.....u get the idea right?...it was all just because i could. I realised that as time went on, the need to have it subsided. But, it was a bit unnerving to lose "my world",lose contact, slip into forced hibernation.
As much as my survival, existence or pleasures did not depend on it, it was irritating not to be able to get "in" whenever i wanted. But soon as i could connect, i would. As i have now.
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