Mom, I'm not there yet!!

You ever wonder if you're ready for something that is expected of u? If you do I guess you would fall under the category of being completely normal. Off late, I go through this everyday. And then the day to day things that I do (go through) all keep pointing in the same damn thing, I'm not there yet!

Now, just to give you a brief idea, since I'm 24 now, (well almost) my parents have been pushing me....pushing me to get married! Infact, some of their friends have suggested them a few "candidates". This has probably got them all excited, infact, so excited that my parents are now actively pushing me for it. They have their own theory on why I should atleast start "looking" for girls!

The theory goes like this....I'm 24, a Chartered Accountant, a Company Secretary, working for a MNC bank, earning good money, just bought a new 3 BHK flat, a car and still manage to save some salary. So, basically I'm "settled". So, now.....whats there left in my lifE? Eh? Nothing really....I mean, c'mon, I'm 24...can't I see how old that is?! So I guess its like married at 25, kids after that....and......and......and.....

My dad tells me how difficult it is to find a proper bride out there these days! Same goes for a groom, but since I'm not gay, we dont give a shit about that. I think that apart from reservations about my marriage, that the whole concept of arranged marriage is splendid! I mean think about it for a second, ususally guys/girls who opt for arranged marriages do so cause they are not already in a relationship. So, how do they get married if they've reached a certain age?

Well, the oldies came up with an answer! Arranged marriage! So, here we have a guy in his mid twenties, never got a girl in his life, or couldn't hang on to the one he did. So his parents decided to help him out. I guess that's gotta hurt a bit of personal pride eh? It's like your parents telling you,

"Look son, we think you're terrible with the ladies, let us help you out. We know a fella whose girl is just as bad at picking up guys. We think you two will make an awesome couple. Should we go see them? Besides, Khanna uncle has also recommended that girl!". (Khanna uncle is either single or divorced).

But thats not the point I'm trying to make over here. The point is that my mom has been dragging me to D-Mart (its like my training for when my wife will drag me there) these days and then she goes on picking up stuff that she wants. I hate that place, I find it a drag. I don't know what the hell I'm doing there...and I start making faces at mom, so she asks me to just stay put in one place! Like an order or something! So what I do then is make faces at other shoppers, look around at these men all pulling carts and the thing that saddens me the most is the look on their faces....they are all happy to be there! All happy to be pushing carts while their wives load an unbelievable amount of provisions (its like everyone is having everyone over at their places). I'm not ready for stuff like that....I'm bad at the simplest of mundane things. This makes me realise that I'm far from ready to get married. I can't possibly push the cart, not yet.

My best escape route is my age, I try to get away by saying, "Guys, I'm only 23" but my parents shoot it down saying whatever comes to their mind. Sometimes they tell me that by the time I'll get married, I'll be 25 (like thats really old!). On other times, "Look at Rahul, he got married when he was 22". And most often there is this big dialogue (Oh, I really do mean like a proper dialogue) of why marrying early is good planning. My friends aren't helping my cause too. Two of my friends are getting married this year. Then a few of my relatives possibly know a few "good girls", so all of sudden, ever since I've turned 23, they've been telling me about them. I sat on it...so now, they've gone to my parents!

And it goes like, "I know this one girl, she's fair, good looking and she'd be really nice for you! Plus, she's a Doctor!". And I'm like wow! I hope she's a neuro surgeon, I'd like to take you therE!

Well, thankfully, the matrimonials aren't being considered yet! Wish me luck.

Strangers

I hate it. I must admit. I hate the fact that some jackass/jenny is lying somewhere (pun intended..this is for you, the one who asked me today) in his house and then using the internet or orkut more synonymously to project himself/herself as(s) the king/queen of the world. I just hate it. I'm sure you do too. But then, come to think of it, maybe thats what I & u do as well. I mean, we write about ourselves in the "about me" of orkut and claim ourselves to be the alpha-male, eternal beauty of the universe. But, thats what orkut, or more so the net is all about. Its about a fat-ass claiming to have washboards, its about a never-been-asked-out claiming to be Miss Universe! Worse, its about fakies.

Its about the ones we could never be, so why not be someone in this world (the net) who we can never be in real world, the real world where flesh sweats, our voice is coarse and face ugly? All this comes from being a part of orkut for the last 2 yrs (almost) now. This sheer frustration of reading profiles where girls have got "no friend requests" and boys have got "i'm cool" templates! Ah, enough is enough. I think its time these sons of bitches and bitches themselves (yes, I said that!) woke up, smelt the coffee and had a nice look in the mirror and saw what everyone else around them sees, nothing!

I hate the way people act so cool on the net. Maybe you think, I'm trying to be one right now, well i don't give a FUCK about what you think. I look like a nice boy. A nice boy I am, but get on my wrong side and Ill brush you tougher than Symonds brushed that streaker! I'm really pissed. I don't know about what. Maybe its about the fact that my friend is delaying my next blog feed....maybe its about having a lot to do, but yet not having the mood to. Maybe its about just being stuck up the whole week, the same routines, an ennui. But, Ill tell you what, stop being a net-dude. Stop the bullshit, or you'll be in it one day! I was not born to be nice to you, neither were you. But as you grow up you realise that you've gotta give everyone their fair chance, even the latest stranger. We grow up and we build friends, orkut is just a place where strangers meet, your closest friends were once strangers, be nice to the newer ones.

Step out of the net-addiction. Step into the real world. Spend time with the ones who care for you, rather than try be super-cool in front of strangers, who are most definitely trying to do the same. Who are we kidding? We're all so different in our real lives. Are we?

Tattoo mE!!

Ever sine the first time i saw a heavy metal video, Robbie Williams, and other crazy people, ive always wanted a taboo tattoo. But I never have had that kind of money chance. But boy o' boy, does Pauly Unstoppable make me feel like a lousy excuse grunting ass lesser man.

Im currently working on a blog, till then hopefully this will suffice ur appetite that has become so dependent on my blogworks!!

I want a tattoo!!

I dont have a thing to blog!!

Well, its been a longtime since i last blogged. And yet, after all these days of absenteeism i have not found anything yet!! Kinda sucks, but when you try and compare this with my daily chronicles i'm sure, the loss of thought aint all that bad. But, how 'bout you? Where have you been? I've been busy, actually, well, when life gets occupied with so many things, i guess we feel we are busy, i feel the same; for now.

I have been thinking, and thinking hard and good that too, but i just cant seem to agree. I mean, my thoughts in the morning and then in the evening seem to disagree on every bit. Every small tiny bit, that needs an electronic microscope to be seen, each one of those thoughts seem to be in complete isolation with its immediate neighbour. Nothing i think seems to be steady for more than , well, hardly at all. I've wanted to blog, and blog so badly as well, but just havent been able to think of anything. Anything at all. I mean, i aint a writer, but surely i can write non-sense, ask my friends to read the pathetic piece of immaterial english abuse and revert to being my usual self. But, thats not been happening these days. I think of myself as wanting to write a masterpiece...like a you know, a MASTERPIECE. But that seems to be more of a hope, a distant cousin of the most ridiculous of hopes that too!

Well, the day begins at 4 and ends at 12. So train-goers watch me sleep all the while. They see me sleep in the morning and then, they see me sleep in the evening. I'm getting used to the first-class green cushioned (yeah right!!) seats. They are not comfortable, but they do the job. Those 50 mins provide a much needed relief. But, coming back to the crisis here, i dont have a thing to blog. I should have a few now, now that the EPL has begun and maybe i'll have a word or two to say 'bout Mr. Jose and his antics, Mr. Arsene "I can do without Henry" Wenger, surely, Rafael "Liverpool cant win the EPL" Benitez. And then, how can i forget, Sir Alex Ferguson. Ah! I dont know why, but i just cant seem to not be impressed with that man.

Anyways, i must cut it short here. Maybe next time out i'll be more elaborate and definitely with something to read 'bout. Well, i must apologise for some nonsense that you might have had to bear with in this post, well you havent lost much, i mean, click here if you think you have. Do write in with your valuable comments, there are processed and looked after.

Me, myself and the Internet--- Part 2

Now, since u know a little bit 'bout my internet conquests...a little more bout me!
As of now, a simple 20 yr old who you cannot make out from the rest of the crowd. An illusionist, in the sense that people would think that i'm a loner, a "keeps-to-himself" person, only if they knew better, only if i cared more!

This is about "me" ; "myself" and "the internet" will come up later on. Well, where do i start from? I wonder, i mean, ive always wondered what is it, what has been the urge to let people know who we really are. I still cant figure that out as ironic as it may seem. But im an irony unto myself. Guess everyone feels pretty much the same way. We all think we are special, we are; maybe.

I used to be the nice boy, inextricably lost in his books and daily routine that was nothing short of a hectic life. Get up at 5, reach college by 7, and then travel 85-90 odd kms everyday to attend classes. Life was becoming an adventure i never bargained for! And in the midst of all of this, was springing up a boy, a man who would be carving out a mould for himself to fulfill his "must-haves".

All of a sudden, u realise that for a change, you control your life. Its nice to feel that way. The thing with control is that, it is as much an illusion as it is a delusion. Anything beyond that is purely beyond my intellectual abilities to comprehend! Coming back to "me", it felt nice. Life was heading and i seemed to enjoy it! Every step of the way--though i have to say, lifes never been as great as it is now, but somehow, experience teaches you a lot of things--everything that i like. It does'nt get much better.

It is like getting everything that u've ever wanted. Hang out with friends' just seemed to keep getting better. On the academic front i was still very much the same "has'nt proved till yet" boy! Its very frustrating to be that, guess most of you would know!! When these things happen to you and you think that you control life (finally!!), you really dont! All that means is that life is happening too fast, much too fast for you to realise what is happening, and in this moment you live it, and miss out on moments, some of which are the best you might possibly ever have, and then come back to your senses once its all over! Once you've lost it all. Its perhaps similar to a hang-over, i cant be sure though, never had one, luckily or otherwise.

Thats as much about me as im ready to divulge right now, thats as much about me as is necessary for you to correlate my posts to one another. However, must you know more, all i shall say is that, now, looking back and looking down i see myself much better than i ever was. I love the idea of not being in control, letting-it-rip (if you will), "let(ting) the chips fall where they may"....its simply nice. Its so much more nice to know what you want and surrender to it, rather than not know what you want and be illusory that you control everything around you, isnt it?

Me, myself and the Internet--- Part 1

You know, for a long time i think now, for nearly 2 yrs that ive had internet (without any disruptions) at my place i never realised how far into "it" i really was. It was only after that the net got unexpectedly disconnected (and for 3 weeks that too) when i realised the condition, so to speak.

It made me feel restless, initially. I don't really know why or how the restlessness subsided. Guess it was because i always knew that it would get connected one day, uncertain as to when though. It was a matter of when and not if. Finally it has been "resurrected". I feel alive again, i feel connected, i feel like now, somehow, all of a sudden, im there, out there with the rest of you. Until a few hours back, i was not.

Internet had become a part of ennui. Everyday, i'd wake up, drink tea and log in! Every night, i'd come home tired, but it was never a problem to log in, and stay that way till i lost sense of what i was doing, till i would sit there stare at the monitor and wonder where the f**k the others had gone. Then, i would log out, only to log in less than quarter a day later. I became addicted to it, and i never knew that. All the while for the last two years ive been getting addicted to it, more today than yesterday, more tomorrow than today.

It is when you stop realising what you do, and you stop, all of a sudden one day, take a look around and realise that you dont understand what has become of you! All this while when my internet was like a passport to the rest of the world, while getting to meet new people, i guess i failed to see that those around me, i was drifting away from them. Parents would see, when i entered the house (at 'bout 9 in the night) and then when i left ('bout 10 am). That was as much. My bedroom was my "room". This had become my world, to think that the internet had nothing to do with it, is absolutely incorrect. It was the net that transformed my bedroom into my world. I was proud of it.

Now, without the internet, life became boring. As much as i wanted to get it sorted out (the net) i could not as i had little time left in the day..all other measures were tried, tested and failed. So i get back to cursing, praying that it got sorted out somehow. It now became clearer to me, that all this while, all the net sessions, all the late night staying up, all the surfing, all the.....u get the idea right?...it was all just because i could. I realised that as time went on, the need to have it subsided. But, it was a bit unnerving to lose "my world",lose contact, slip into forced hibernation.

As much as my survival, existence or pleasures did not depend on it, it was irritating not to be able to get "in" whenever i wanted. But soon as i could connect, i would. As i have now.